Prayer and Updates

28Jan11

I feel as though an invisible responsibility has been placed on my shoulders – one that I cannot escape.  In the past few days, I’ve spoken to or heard from a number of people who are supporting me (both in prayer and financially).  I can’t tell you how overwhelmed I felt when I got my first monthly report from my agency this week with a donation listed.  Suddenly I had a very VERY real sense of how utterly unworthy I am to be undertaking any of this.  It has really shocked me that people I know (some of them only barely!) would actually give money so that I can go serve as Jesus’ hands, feet, eyes, and ears on the other side of the world.  Really, REALLY humbling.  And it’s only the beginning.

I haven’t a clue what God is doing here.  I know I want to serve Him and love Him well – that I am called to Jesus.  I want to talk to Him about everything and learn to hear His voice, His whisper, as He guides me in His path.  I know He knows what He is doing, He knows the future and He know the plans He has for me.  This is scary and reassuring at the same time (if that makes any sense, which I doubt).  As I said in my last post, watching the Lord write the story of my life is quite the adventure.

Many friends have expressed an interest in sharing in this process – becoming part of the team.  I’ve recently updated both the support and resources tabs on the blog; either of these would be a good starting point in understanding what is going on.  What I hope and plan to do in serving the Lord overseas may not actually be what ends up happening, and I am learning to hold all *my* plans with very open hands. :-)  (It’s a hard lesson at first!)  Please be praying for me – especially that I would be seeking the Lord with the million little details before me!  There are many, many decisions to be made in the days, weeks, and months ahead, and the last thing I want to do is shove through a door that Jesus wants to open slowly – or not open at all.  By nature, I like to know the end – how things work out, when I’ll be able to check something off my to-do list, and how the flow-chart is really going to work.  This process is not fitting into any of my nice little boxes (surprise!), and I need to learn to rest and trust in my God, the infinitely faithful and trustworthy one.

Those are the rambling thoughts for tonight.  It’s for His glory and His kingdom.  Lord, glorify yourself in me!

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